8:52 PM

The final straw was imprisoning Arnold
in the attic crawlspace, Deedee. Flaking paint shards peeled skin shavings
off my knees as I climbed the ladder
thirty feet while Greta kept the bottom steady,
keeping careful watch for cops or, worse,
her wrathful, gelatinous monster-mother. We knew
you were out, Thursday being Single Seniors' Bingo Night
at the rec center from nine to one. Tucking him into the angle of my arm, his feet
dangling against my torso, we made our brazen escape
back through the window, which I left gaping open
to ensure you'd know, unquestionably, that someone
had been in your house, a stranger. You'd feel unsure in your every action,
judged, observed. Even at nine, I knew what vulnerability felt like.

But that was the final straw. Greta and I were not content with simply
the success of the retrieval, especially not after
you sheepishly recounted your discovery of the open window, the missing
feline, to Greta's grandfather, accusing
those wretched invaders
of committing the deed. We flashed our gap-toothed smiles innocently, but
it was no use. We'd been had by
the worst of 'em, and were promptly relegated to the cruel
and inhumane task
of watering your expansive, prize-winning petunia garden
while you tipped back in your sun-faded lawn chair, grinning. The observers
had become the observed, and nothing was going to sit right
in our stomachs till you paid.

We waited a week after deliberation led us to conclude
that any less was overtly incriminating, then waited for night. War paint
bouncing the moonlight, Greta and I crawled on our elbows,
silent refugees, through the hole in the fence
between the houses, shears at the ready. Methodically,
each individual blossom
was snipped free of its earth-anchor and shoved by the fistful
into one of several Stop and Shop bags. Gleeful, we scurried
back through the fence, but what of the evidence? We had to
go all-in. We devoured thousands
of flowers over the course of four hours. Our bellies aching
with what we assumed had to be pride, we vomited victoriously
and waited for your shrieks come morning.