6:21 AM

I'd really like to go to India. I've never traveled. I've never even been out of the country. I'd really like to go anywhere, actually. The only exception is Las Vegas. I would never go to Las Vegas.
Later today I'm going back to my parents' house to work from there for the week. My dad has been asking me to stay with them more often because I haven't been doing so well. I've been increasingly anxious over the last year, I have stomach pains, and I only sleep two or three hours a day. Sometimes I can't eat.
I've been spending a lot of time trying to picture insects doing cartwheels. Ants aren't that interesting; millipedes are better.
Outside, it's very bright. The forecast said we were supposed to get more rain, but it looks pretty clear. It's been raining here most days for almost two months. People I know, happy people, have told me they're considering getting those lamps that mimic sunlight because all the darkness has made them glum.
I wish I had a kite. If I had a kite, I'd lay on my back and watch it twist and dive. I'd fly it from the tops of buildings.
Loneliness doesn't pang in my stomach like guilt or sweep over me like grief or weigh me down like depression. It doesn't bubble and fester in my chest like anger. I don't know what to make of it.